[aishwaryaaji]

#30735

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Women are always considered not worthy enough compared to men. They are expected to do things that keep them subjugated and the best women according to patriarchal norms, is a woman who is not opinionated and has no dreams save for serving her husband, his family and taking care of household chores and children.

When a girl is growing up, it’s a frequent saying for her to hear, “You shouldn’t do this or that. Nobody will want to marry you.” This line implicitly conveys that all that the girl is worth, is to be married off to please a stranger. If she has any undesirable qualities or behaviour, she must immediately change it and must always be submissive and suiting to what the husband wants.

Everything that a little girl is supposed to do is dependent on this sole ending. She isn’t supposed to sit a certain way, talk too much or too loudly, not supposed to hang out with boys too much, must not wear revealing clothes, and must be willing to give up career goals for the family. The amount of sacrifices that a woman is supposed to make, for appeasing society, just for being a woman is uncountable.

A decade ago, women were willing to do so, because they internalized that it was a woman’s duty to be sacrificial, that it makes her a hero. The patriarchal ideals ingrained in their minds since childhood makes them think the same way as men. Women = subservient. There are still women who disregard and pull down other women because they do not conform to the patriarchal ideology. Since they are used to killing their dreams, they feel the need to not let others pursue theirs.

In the name of peace, it is only women who are told to compromise. It seems unknown to many that it requires two to come to a compromise.

Society’s extreme interest in other people’s affairs has made it so that no one will make a decision, even if it only concerns them, without thinking what society will think.

But recently, there has been a shift in thinking due to feminism. Women now realise that it is not their duty alone to raise a child, and thus there is absolutely no need for her to give up her job to do so. She has control over her own emotions, thoughts and actions, and nobody has the right to take it away from her. The sooner people realise this, breaking down the system of patriarchy that’s been oppressing women for ages will be so much easier.

[aishwaryaaji]

#30726

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Unrealistic beauty standards are problematic for many reasons.

Considering the exceptional increase in the usage of social media among youngsters, it has become the norm to compare oneself to another prettier, slimmer and lighter-skinned influencer. When influencers promote beautification products while using feminism as a tool to do so, it becomes hypocritical. Yet, many naïve teenagers are swayed by such tactics and worry over trivial things.

When capitalism makes use of the insecurities of others’, huge companies get a lot of profit from selling products that make one person feel inferior to another. This is basically daylight robbery because even if it is a product that does not work well, it sells well because of people’s lack of self-acceptance.

Another dangerous effect of unrealistic beauty standards is eating disorders. When a person thinner than them, comes up online, they start to question their concept of beauty and beat themselves up to match the person online. This can cause many youngsters to starve themselves or take pills or over-exercise until they tire themselves out. Bulimia nervosa, anorexia nervosa and binge eating disorder are some examples of eating disorders.

In South Korea, people have an especially clear image of how a pop star or celebrity should be. They’re not allowed to weigh more than a certain weight and are forced to starve themselves to maintain that weight. If they do not conform to those beauty standards, netizens cyberbully the idol till they make changes or sadly, kill themselves.

All over the world, there are people who suffer because of beauty standards. Some people are introverts because they do not have confidence in their appearance, they lack self-esteem and give up on many opportunities because they feel that they are not worthy of availing of that opportunity.

But it is important to know that beauty standards keep changing every day. What was considered ideal back in the 90s is not what is relevant today. So, just learn to love yourself and be confident in yourself and then you won’t try to fit into the standards that society thrusts upon you.

[aishwaryaaji]

#30722

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In a country like India, where sex education or anything related to sex is considered as taboo, there can be a lot of unplanned pregnancies and abortions.

First of all, talking about unplanned pregnancies brings us to our first topic of concern; sex education. When there is no sex education provided to teenagers and when adults too have no clue about how reproduction and pleasure are different from each other, accidents are bound to happen.

There is no information about condoms or birth control pills anywhere except for very discreet advertisements on the television. This brings them to the only source for information; the internet. It is mostly through pornography,  that kids gain sketchy knowledge about important things like this. This can cause dangerous situations among teenagers or adults like rapes or unsafe sex that may cause STDs.

The Internet is also a place, where the information provided can be false. For a youngster, it is hard to distinguish between true and false information. Thus, it is important for sex education to be provided in schools, no matter how awkward it is for the teachers or kids because there is nothing awkward about teaching safe practices for having sex.

Our next issue being abortions; it is a Universal right for women to have control over their bodies and to make decisions regarding it. So, when they have an unplanned pregnancy it is their decision alone whether or not to keep the baby. Unplanned pregnancies are of course result of lack of knowledge about safe sex. The number of deaths through unsafe abortion are also at a peak high. This is because there are less doctors and usually abortions are done by young girls, in secret.

Unplanned pregnancies and abortions actually cause a lot of deaths and triggers numerous religious communities. So, to keep them at a minimum, it is necessary for the country to establish an education system, where sex education is included and is not considered as taboo.

[aishwaryaaji]

#30708

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In a country where there’s no sex education to teach the youth and old people what consent is, how to practice safe sex, and anything about women’s pleasure, it would be even more impossible to believe that marital rape IS criminalized.

In India, it is a known fact that everyone prioritizes family over other people, and once a woman is married into another family, it is her duty to serve her husband and in-laws and keep mum and bear all the atrocities they commit against her; whether it be domestic violence, slave treatment or marital rape.

It is thrust upon the young woman that it is her obligation to fulfill her husband’s sexual desires whenever he wants it and comply silently. The only job the woman must do is give birth to the baby that comes from it.

It is most probable that men in India don’t know what consent or respect means because they are nurtured from childhood to believe that they are superior, and women can be smashed down upon, and still, no one would stand up for them. This is why boys catcall, comment on women’s attire and behavior like they have the right to do so, touch a woman inappropriately because he believes she is ‘asking for it.’

All these actions disseminate rape culture, which ultimately leads them to believe that women are under their control because they are weaker and cannot and will not retaliate. There are many cases of marital rape that go unreported either because it is deep-rooted in both the parties as something normal and part of the culture, or because the law has no solution to it since it is not criminalized. Either way, many women suffer in silence when a man that they’re supposed to trust the most betrays them like this.

In India, consensual sex means nothing. Only marital sex is correct. Thus, even if two parties have consensual pre-marital sex, it is considered a crime, whereas non-consensual sex behind closed doors of a married household is considered normal and turned a blind eye to.

It is almost as if marriage is a legal sanction to have sex. 🙂

But now a lot more people are coming forth against marital rape, and women are empowered to leave the toxic households. The younger generations are putting in the effort to learn about consent safe sex, too. But it is not enough. Unless and until there’s a law that protects victims and ensures proper punishment for those who commit it, India will not progress. Sex education is very important in this country right now and much needed.

[aishwaryaaji]

#30707

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When it is said that one in three women face sexual harassment or assault once in their lives, I think it is an understatement. From my experience and all other experiences that I’ve heard, all women have gone through at least one form of abuse, whether it be physical or sexual.

When men claim that they’ve never promoted rape culture, they just don’t know what rape culture means. Brushing hands over a girl’s hands or other body parts intentionally, catcalling or passing lewd comments as a girl walks by, locker room chat groups and talks that objectify random girls and put them in danger because who knows when they might act on their wishes, groping the breasts or butt while in a crowded place, or if the guy is bold enough, in a less crowded space, grinding against them in buses and ultimately rape.

If people don’t understand that the first few actions mentioned lead to the final and drastic act of intrusion against a person, they are either ignorant or is someone who perpetrates rape culture as something that is normal and part of a growing boy’s life.

When eve-teasing is normalized as just fun play among friends, even if the victim feels uncomfortable, that is promoting rape culture. It all comes under sexual harassment.

By now, I suppose it is established that assault and rape is a men’s issue. It is due to endless misogyny that is fed into them since childhood. It has everything to do with establishing superiority over the other gender because women are seen as weaker and unable to retaliate. The power play is also a factor when it comes to little boys being assaulted – also by men. Dominance over the weaker ones; women, kids, disabled people, or old people, men love being in control. Wanting more authority is made to be a normal trait in men because it is good to be ambitious, right? If it’s a man, of course! God forbid a woman is ambitious, that too, in India. 🙂

When perverts or angry men abuse people, I emphasize that it all depends on overpowering someone. It is not the act alone that gives him satisfaction, it is the sense of ecstasy he receives from exerting his ‘manliness’ that makes him exercise it again.

Little girls are abused because they are innocent and teens because they are going through puberty so they’re old enough to know what’s happening. A girlfriend is abused because the boyfriend is controlling and possessive and causes harm if she doesn’t do what he wants. Married women come under an entirely different category because they are legally bound to the man under the name of ‘wife’ and hence cannot do anything to defend themselves under the law. Domestic abuse is permitted ‘to keep the wife from overstepping her boundaries’ and marital rape is allowed because she is entitled to satisfy her husband’s needs. In today’s world, men don’t even bother with the age before they rape, even newborn babies to old ladies are raped because they are weak and helpless. Then comes another category, necrophiliacs; the people who don’t let women rest in peace even after they’re dead.

The recent incident of the man stabbing his wife to death because she was a) assumed to be having an affair and b) going to work even when he was against it. He kept stabbing her over 25 times even after she was dead because of his entitled pent-up rage. His misogyny and patriarchy authorizing him to stab his wife to death in the middle of the road in the presence of over 10 people, who did nothing to stop the violent man. Instead, they took videos to upload on social media.

This brings us to the next problem that enables men to attack and assault women whenever they want. Trauma porn. It is the exploitive sharing of the darkest, creepiest, most jarring parts of our trauma specifically for the purpose of shocking others. It causes shock and fascination for some, while it triggers PTSD in some survivors of the same.

When news media share violent videos without trigger warnings, it gives them the reach they so desperately need, but also brings back the trauma that some people have been through. Additionally, when people watch these increasingly widely available gory videos, they get desensitized to the blood and gore that they see. When an image of a burned person is already etched into your mind, the next time you see another similar picture, it doesn’t affect you. This is your brain getting used to it. This makes an opportunity for men to act on their sadistic desires. Ultimately increasing the number of atrocities committed against women, kids, and animals.

In consequence of the powerful only preying on the weak.

[aishwaryaaji]

#30705

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Marriage as an institution is one that thrives on mutual love, respect, and care for one another. If one of these facets fails, there is a chance of it not being a successful one.

Of course, different people have different views on how an ideal marriage would be, but normally, especially in a developing country like India, a marriage is usually one where the husband is the head of the family and the wife obediently does whatever he says. Gay, lesbian and polygamous marriages are not even considered options in a country like ours.

If people in Western countries marry out of love, Indians marry out of familial pressure and concern over what other people in the society will think. What the husband-wife duo usually does in front of others is a façade. Just playing along with how society wants an ideal married couple to be.
There’s also a societal-set age that determines when women and men should marry. It should also be noted how marriage is discouraged when a person exceeds that set age, even if the person involved wants to marry.

This proves that marriage is basically just a socially constructed institution to satisfy certain expectations of theirs. At the same time, men and women, either consciously or unconsciously mould into these expectations that society sets for them. Men must be the breadwinners, women shouldn’t work, they should stay at home; do the cooking, the cleaning, and looking after the kids.

The main reason why marriages fail is that either one of the parties doesn’t follow those societal expectations. It is usually women who cannot subjugate themselves to their husbands and treat them like gods while being treated like trash in return. That’s a concept of the past. Yet, men still hold on to the values their fathers handed down to them; the power over women, which is why there are always clashes between husbands and wives. Boys remember their mothers being submissive and believed their wives to do the same for them because patriarchy always put men in a position of comfort, while women made all the sacrifices.

Since women have gotten a lot more vocal about their needs and basic rights, it angers men. Since women have now started demanding equality, it angers men that they do not get to enjoy the same privileges that their fathers and grandfathers did.

Women, nowadays, don’t submit themselves to patriarchy even when their own parents force them to carry on the ancestral culture of subjugation to their husbands and allow legal slavery of their daughters in the name of marriage.

Women have gained more independence and self-respect with the help of the feminist movement and are now no longer silent or afraid to use their rights whenever needed. Thus, they know they can live without men, but agree to marriage just because of familial pressure, as mentioned. Therefore, it is a known fact that a divorce is an option if it doesn’t work out. It is also a curious case that it is only a woman who suffers after a bad marriage even though she wasn’t the one at fault, the privilege of being treated as a human, if you’re not a man, in a patriarchal world is limited.

Men always get angry at women who vocalize inequalities and unfair treatment because it’s inbuilt in them that women should always be inferior to men. This is the main reason that in arguments, even if the woman is calmly stating the points, it’s always the men who shout to establish superiority because it’s a hurt to his pride if a woman, a lowly being, wins against him.

Yet, each time at family functions, it is always the wives who are made the butt of domestic abuse jokes by the husbands painting themselves as victims. The jokes go along the lines of “Oh, I can’t joke about her, she’ll beat me up when we get home.” “Oh, I should do as she says because she’s the head of the house.” “My wife is so controlling. I don’t know if she’s the wife or I’m the wife.” The only one who knows that these claims are senseless lies would in the end be beaten up by the jokester behind closed doors.

Domestic abuse being one reason for failed marriages, sexual abuse and extramarital affairs come next. Marital rapes are still not criminalized in India and are considered an internal matter whenever a case is filed.

On the other hand, when either of the partners has unsatisfactory sexual lives, they seek for it outside marriage. The reasons can be lack of proper communication between themselves, ignorance about pleasure for women and men having higher sex drives, and looking to satisfy themselves elsewhere because their partner says no. Extramarital affairs are condemned by yours truly, though. No one deserves to go through that pain.

Another reason for a failed marriage in India? Dowry. If the woman’s family is not well-off enough to give dowry to the men’s family, the wife’s life becomes hell for her.

Therefore, with all these reasons, just being a few of the many others, it’s noticed that it’s mostly men who become the reason for a failed marriage. They want power and control, they want their ‘property’ to do whatever they want it to do, they need women to fulfill and disprove their useless insecurities. Thus, it all comes down to patriarchy. Men being taught from childhood that they can be as bad as they want, and their wives are supposed to just stick with it.
Too bad for them, women will not play along anymore. 🙂

[aishwaryaaji]

#30703

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Every year on March 8th Women’s Day is celebrated with great vigour by men and women alike, to appreciate the women in their lives and the work they do. But it should be noticed that as soon as the day is over, they return to their daily old lives that continue to exploit women. It is unknown to most people that they do this because it comes to them so naturally. When a woman speaks about feminism, it is always questioned by men, with claims that we have already achieved the peak of equality and that women’s demands now are merely fake and for attention. They have even mansplained the difference between real feminism and pseudo-feminism to prove their point through the male gaze.

Yes, the women of this generation have it easier than they did in medieval times because at least they’re not burned alive for being ‘witches’ because they express actual opinions and feelings. But this does not mean that the oppression ended. Although the world has become more liberal and accepting of equal rights for men and women, exploitation is still prevalent. It can be as small as women doing unpaid labour as housewives, being paid less for doing the same job as a man and not being respected for the choices they make about their clothes, sexuality, or the partner they choose or as imperative as women being victims of endless hate-crimes like sexual assaults, kidnappings, and murders owing to misogyny. Either way, the fact that this is a male-dominated world is undeniable. As the division and discrimination based on caste, religion, or race upsurge day-by-day in this hateful world, women are the ones on the receiving end of all the violence resulting from it.

Women were seen as fragile and docile creatures that could be easily manipulated and controlled. Now that they are fighting back the endless patriarchy our mothers and grandmothers were put through, men feel that their manliness and feeling of superiority is threatened, which is the main reason men resort to anger and violence when women speak up against inequality.

Domestic violence jokes made by men usually paint the women in the family as the perpetrator when behind closed doors, the men exploit them and try to prove their power over them.

When men claim that feminism is irrelevant and unnecessary in today’s world where women have it easier than they did centuries ago, it is essential to ask them if they would be willing to drink muddy water if the stones were removed and the water was still passed through filter paper. It is still better than drinking muddy water, is it not? And when they respond that it is still not safe water, it brings us to our point that no matter how many centuries passed, and it is much better than it was in the past for women, the world is still not safe enough, and thus we need feminism.

It is high time, everyone calls themselves feminists and we fight the patriarchy together.

[aishwaryaaji]

#30701

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The moment anyone talks about the ever-growing and evident wage gap between men and women, there is always someone who claims that the gender gap is a myth and that women and men are equal socially, economically, and politically these days. In addition to that, they make sure to attach a random fabricated poll to prove their misogynistic point.

Yet, it is an unchangeable fact that women are paid less than men in whichever field they go to unless they’re ring girls or porn stars, whose payments are fixed according to demand and since women are mostly appreciated for only being objects for the male gaze. But in the common job net, like in retail workers, sales managers, technicians, designers, drivers, financial managers, real estate brokers, medical technicians and many more.

Moreover, in typical superior–subordinate scenarios, where the superior is a man, it is often seen that they withhold deserving promotions for women employees until they are offered sexual favours. There are too many instances of this kind, the most recent famous one being the Karnataka CM with his scandalous ‘Sex for Favours’ tape.
Another unfair treatment of women in the job industry is not being given jobs unless they’re young and unmarried, this is owing to the fear of having to grant paid maternity leaves, more insurance from the company, and other incentives. Furthermore, they assume that married women will be ‘busy’ handling the kids and will have no time to complete tasks assigned to them, that they will not be able to concentrate on work due to their ‘maternal instincts’ or the stereotype that they’ll spend hours gossiping while they’re supposed to be working.

These assumptions on the part of the employer provide a very difficult situation for mothers or wives who wish to work and have some financial independence. This is also a reason for the high female turnover rate.

It is also observed that occupations that do employ women, pay them less because more often they assume ‘female-typical’ working-time arrangement for them and that they work less because they are ‘less strong’; both of which contribute to the gender wage gap among the highly qualified.

People often overestimate men’s capabilities and underestimate women’s abilities. Society accepts that women are generally multitaskers when it comes to following gender norms like cooking, cleaning, looking after a young child, and running the house. But when it comes to running a company or, at the least, working in a company, a woman is suddenly deemed not capable of doing the bare minimum.

Whereas a forward-thinking person who lives in the 21st century should believe that women are great multitaskers and owing to that, they have better concentration and great new ideas.

Plus, hiring more women and paying them more would result in lesser on-the-job sexual harassment cases because sexual harassment is mostly a men’s issue. 🙂

The pandemic, however, has turned the tables on the increasing women’s employment. Especially in India, according to the WEF, the gender gap has increased dramatically, and India is currently in the 140th position among 156 nations participating in the rankings.

Women are forced to sit at home all day tending to the families like wives are supposed to do in society, and this has also brought a hike in domestic abuse cases, because men deem it his duty to go and work, because it is a hurt to his pride if he is living off of his wife’s earnings. This brings women down to mere housewives, strips them of their financial and social independence, and chains them down like they used to be centuries ago.

It should be noticed at least now that every single argument regarding a women’s issue comes down to men’s efforts in trying to protect the oppressive patriarchal system that puts them on a pedestal and women’s efforts in smashing it down.

[aishwaryaaji]

#30697

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‘Female actresses should not use their femininity for promotion.’ The sentence already sounds like it was said by a spiteful, jealous male actor. 🙂

It is instilled in children from the moment they are born that anyone who is feminine or embraces femininity is inferior or weaker. Be it, men or women, if (God forbid) anyone expresses a feminine side, they are shamed, gossiped about and mocked at. This mindset of people forces even little girls to be conditioned into hating feminine things for fear of being excluded or kicked out of their peer groups. Therefore, most girls go through a phase of internalized misogyny, where they hate the colour pink, heels, dresses and skirts and instead stick to black or blue, sneakers, baggy pants and even prefer the company of boys over girl friends because that makes them ‘cooler’ and there’s ‘less drama with boys,’ because that’s what they are conditioned to believe.

But there comes a time when most women face their internalized misogyny and unlearn the conditioned behaviour because hating themselves and other women benefit no one. Once they reach the epiphany that their lives need not revolve around men and the male gaze, they start going back to things they thought they hated; the colour pink, the joy of having more girl friends and not conforming to the identity and actions that the society has thrust upon them.

Women finally start being more independent and being themselves rather than the fake mould the society put them in and even start making their own choices uninfluenced by others’ opinions, and that includes dressing the way they want. Being more conservative or wearing more revealing dresses.

This sudden grasp of their own choice being valued over others’ will make people say many vile and jealous things, like, “Female actresses should not use their femininity for promotion.” This hypocrisy of men, where they condemn women embracing their femininity by their own choice, whereas still enjoying it from the perspective of a male, all comes down to the matter of <i>consent.</i>

It is a matter of pride for men, that their choice should be regarded more highly than that of women’s. Additionally, an empowered woman is a phenomenal woman and gains more attention and appreciation for being confident with herself, whereas they do not. Their concept of ‘masculinity’ not gaining more popularity makes them feel inferior to women who do. So, it <i>is</i> a matter of pride.

Well, male actors, if female actresses using femininity for promotion seems unfair, why don’t you start embracing femininity too? Might work. 🙂

[aishwaryaaji]

#30695

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It is often forgotten that a child remembers and internalises his first view of the world, from home. No matter how insignificant the action is, the child subconsciously learns it and imitates it. For example, the way a parent treats the co-parent, in case of physical abuse, it is normalized in a child’s mind that that’s how parents treat each other everywhere; and grows up to be the same.

Similarly, when a little boy is told not to like the colour pink, instead to like the colour blue, he internalizes that pink is a feminine colour and the additional expression of disgust that a parent associates with pink things when a boy shows interest in them, makes the child think that pink is feminine, pink is inferior and disgusting, and finally arrives at the conclusion that feminine is disgusting; he grows up to exercise that belief in all fields. So, when toys come into the picture, and each time a boy is forced to not buy Barbie dolls and to go for the bright red cars, he is learning of strict boy-girl binaries and of superior-inferior binaries, which creates stubborn bigotry in them during their later years.

A girl child, when she’s encouraged to play with dolls and cooking sets, is being reinforced into the gender norms where homemaking and taking care of the baby duties go to women, and she starts internalizing that idea from childhood.

This creates a very toxic and backward idea in the children, passing it down from generation to generation. All to grow up thinking that women should be weak and feminine and it’s okay for boys to look down on anything that’s feminine.

Recently, younger generation parents have become more open-minded and woke regarding stereotypes and gender constructs and teach kids that there are no specified colours they should like, no specified toys they should play with, no specific emotions that they should show and that they can grow up to be whatever they want. Except robbers and murderers of course. 🙂

[Author]

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