Get Inspired, Be Empowered Forums Sexism & Patriarchy Why a women is expected to be compromising more in a marriage?

12 replies, 13 voices Last updated by Afshan Iqbal 2 years, 4 months ago
  • Shumaila Siddiqui
    Participant
    @shumaila
    #31495

    As an Indian citizen we can see almost every marriage being successful, but if we look deeper in the process we will find that it is solely dependent on women,The sacrifices, the career she left, the passion she left due to the marriage and family.

    We need to make more and more platforms to share the stories of the women to make them stronger and firm on the decisions she takes about her life and the choices she makes from the pressure of the family.

    Marriage is a companionship between two individuals that are bound together for a lifetime journey. There should be an equal involvement for both theindividuals for any kind of work, problems and situations. Due to the unknowingly facts and old traditions women are expected to be compromising more towards marriage. It is an unsaid expectation from family that of any kind of ups and down comes in life women are the first one to be sacrificing and handling the situations.

    They are being raised as a worker that needs to be working all the time without any complaint and issue.

    They get too habitual with that they do work all their life without any hesitations and create a hell for themselves that they have to live with it all their life.

    A woman are a soul that can blossom in any kind of situations but that doesn’t mean she needs to blossom in a toxic environment. Let her free she will fly like thereis no end.

    A Healthy relationship can only last if only the two people are making bonds healthy and pure. It will only grow if the equal amount of efforts is put together.A woman are the beautiful part of relationships and we should make the relations with beautifully only.

    simran arora
    Participant
    @simran
    #31505
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    Since gender bias began, it seems there is no end to it. Marriages in India came with gender bias where the only member to sacrifice everything was a woman. Bollywood and daily soaps participate in the idea of a sacrificial woman too. Time and again, the objective of motherhood and the dutiful wife repeats itself. If asked the reason, the only answer one may receive is that ‘you are a woman, and it is your responsibility.’

    The woman empowerment continues until she gets married. Not every woman works after marriage, but only those whose in-laws allow. The familiar prospectus of jobs for women after marriage is a doctor or a teacher. And if some allow jobs in the corporate sector, then the daughter-in-law must reach home on time and do household chores too all by herself. One can interpret that some people want a maid and a nanny in the disguise of daughter-in-law.

    Though the times are changing and there is some improvement, things remain the same when dug deeper. Before and after marriage, society still expects women to compromise in marriage. For example, if her husband drinks unusually a lot, she must accept it. If her husband chooses to beat her for taking out her frustration, she must not utter a word. Every marriage has problems. Men are not so mature to look after marriage; perhaps, it’s a woman’s responsibility. No matter how much the world is changing, some things never change. Or let’s say they are not going to change anytime soon.

    A man does not have to worry about leaving his family or going far away from them. However, society prepares the woman to leave her home since her childhood. It is like a vow that one cannot break; otherwise, there would be repercussions.

    The balance in married life can only begin when both the partners support each other, do things for each other, and care a little less about society’s thoughts. Only a few men support their wives for being a different person, yet society judges them too. Over time, the socialization has not been adapting the new customs of the world, instead of stereotyping the new practices like the neighborhood aunty who has a problem with everything.

    Manpreet Singh
    Participant
    @manpreet
    #31507
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    It is simply due to the fact that women do not the same bargaining power as men do when it comes to power dynamics during a marriage proposal. Women are so much dependent on the patriarchal system that sometimes they do not have an option but to enter into a disastrous relationship willingly. One of the major problems we have in our society is that women are forced to marry at a certain age point due to the prevailing social norms and as a result, they are not able to complete their education properly or do not get a chance to start their career as compared to men.
    Another major reason for the power imbalance is the problem of dowry. Women are mainly seen as a burden by their own family members and are often married off to an unsuitable groom just because the dowry demanded was very little. They do not hesitate to sacrifice the life of their very daughter. This is the reason that majority of women do not see the face of higher education in their lives. As a result, they became gravely dependant on their husbands and the power dynamics get unstable. This causes further problems such as domestic violence, harassment, marital rape, dowry demands, etc.
    The effective solution to this problem is that we have to make our women more educated and independent in order to restore the power balance between the two genders. It is a shame that even in 2021, women have to sacrifice their dreams just because society demands them to get married early on. We have to remove the stereotypes from the minds which objectify a woman at a dangerous level. Due to this objectification, they come under a lot of pressure. The women also need to be made aware of their legal rights so that they may protect themselves.

    nehachitroda
    Participant
    @nehachitroda
    #31509
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    Marriage is a union of two people who accept to spend their whole life together in sorrows and happiness too. In marriages, both the partners are equally liable for each thing they decide on to do. It is said that Marriages are all about compromises and adjustments, understanding but it should be both ways. Not only one should adjust everything but the other partner should also.
    When it comes to adjustments and understanding things, only women are taught to let go of things and compromise because still, people as a community consider women as inferior or less than men. Each girl is taught before marriage that she should learn to tolerate things and adjust and not speak up too much at her in-laws and in her married life, this clearly shows parents are ones who teach a female gender that in life you have to make adjustments whether it’s about her personal life or her career or maybe in her married life.
    Many women’s cant pursue her dream and her passion just because after marriage she has to look after her family, in-laws, husband, children too. It is also said ‘Adjustments’ are important in women’s life to make their married life successful. But how much she will adjust? She’s already sacrificing her dreams and concerned about other things. These adjustments or compromises are done by every woman whether in any age, era, or situation, etc.
    Time is changing now, women today can be a mothers as well as housewives with their profession too. She can be managing multiple roles at a time. So to make marriage life successful womens are not responsible solely to comprimise, but both are equally responsible.

    VIPASHA .
    Participant
    @vipasha
    #31517
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    Marriage in India means compromise .And this compromise should always be from a woman side It is believed by the society . Yes, when two people start living together, many things may be not similar between them , both of them have to understand each other and live with each other with a little bit Compromise but why a woman is expected to kill her wishes and compromise .
    From childhood, it is put in the mind of the child that you are a girl, the job of girls is to adjust, they have to kill their desire everywhere . Whenever there is a quarrel between two siblings in the house, it is always said to a girl that you should be careful , you do not speak, you keep calm , you understand . After marriage, a girl is expected to give up her career to take care of her family as it is her job and this has been going on for centuries.
    It is always said that the woman showed understanding, so her marriage was safe , we would not have heard same for man . One of the important reasons for low divorce cases in India is that women in India know how to compromise. The women who raise their voice against the atrocities happening with them, their marriage always ends on the divorce .We would never have heard that the woman raised her voice against the atrocities happening to her, so her marriage is safe today . Girls are always told that they have to learn to adjust because after marriage she will have to Compromise and adjust because she is going to another house. But a boy is never told how he will stay with his wife after marriage, when she comes here from another house, then how will you adjust?
    A woman is always like water, dissolves very quickly in anything that is why always a woman is asked to do adjustment , to compromise . Compromise and adjustment is considered as a birth right of women . It should be that when both live together, then both should understand each other’s shortcomings and understand each other’s goodness and live together wisely.

    DISHA SAPKALE
    Participant
    @42disha
    #31532
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    Women tend to compromise more in becoming married and in maintaining the relationship of a marriage. she has to leave her house ,her parents, culture, ,food, habits, dressing sense change city, may be daily routine too depending upon boy’s family. Career, education, personal time are a few areas in which women compromise in a marriage. After Marriage women has to compromise with their goals and their dream. Women has to be independent and support their family but after marriage all the responsibilities of family and child are given to her. Women compromise more than men because after marriage men follow there dreams but women have all the responsibilities of household, taking care of family and most importantly they sacrifice there carrier in most of the cases. We cannot generalize women as a whole because it depends on the individual, how he/she has been brought up, and also the situations where they are getting compromised. Whether it is a man or woman, when someone is more compromising than the other, then the marriage will not be a successful one in the long run and it will lead to frustration rather than love. So, to have a successful marriage both should compromise on one or the other occasions.

    anshika agarwal
    Participant
    @anshika-2
    #31537
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    People expect women to sacrifice herself and work for their in laws whole heartedly. In india people see every relationship as successful, but if we go deeper we will get to know that it is all because of women who had sacrificed herself, her will, her desires for adjust in the family.
    The woman empowerment continues until she gets married. In India most of the women don’t work after their marriage becuase their in- laws don’t allow this. And the families that allow her to do the job after marriage they wish that daughter-in-law must reach home on time and do household chores all by herself. They in reality want a maid who will not charge anything. When it comes to adjustments and understanding things in the relationship only women are taught to compromise. Each girl is taught before her marriage by society and parents that she should learn the housebold chores and adjust after her marriage. This clearly shows us that parents are ones who teach a female gender that in life she has to make adjustments and have the skill to let go things. Many women’s can’t pursue her dream and her ambitions just because after marriage she has to look after her family. And after that she has been forced to have another responsibility of a child. She don’t want to be a mother but still she had to sacrifice herself and adjust in the family and listen to their all bull shit.
    Society should stop expecting women to compromise and adjust in all situations. Whether the relationship is toxic for her or good for her.A woman has her ambitions, her desires, her will. Let her fulfill that and reach to the top. Let her open her wings and fly.

    Mayuravarshini Mohana
    Participant
    @mayura
    #31687
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    The excessive emphasis given to marriage in a woman’s life is precisely the cause for the imbalance. Culture propagates that marriage is the primary and perhaps only aspect of a woman’s life. Her status and standing in a society are dictated by the nature of her married life. In the eyes of the society, having a couple of children and a husband with a well-paying job paints a picture of a ‘good marriage’. It becomes utterly irrelevant if the woman is truly happy.

    Marriage makes for a large part of a woman’s identity than it does for men. Women are more likely to flaunt their identities as ‘mother’ and ‘wife’ than men describing themselves as ‘father’ and ‘husband’. Marriage makes up a large part of a woman’s self-image and societal perception. Men, most often, foreground their careers when painting their self-image. A woman might have touched great heights in her career or would have done extensive service to the society, but if she remains unmarried beyond a certain age, she is judged. Moreover, she is pitied for not having lived a ‘full’ life.

    When marriage becomes as important to one’s identity as it does for women, they bear the greater pressure to make their marriages work. Marriage in India most often occurs out of convenience than of love and understanding. In such a setting, the in-laws place greater demand on women to ‘adjust’ and ‘compromise’. After all, if the marriage doesn’t work, she is sure to face greater social embarrassment and difficulty than her husband and his family. To restore balance to the marriage equation where the husband and wife contribute equally towards making the relationship work, it is absolutely necessary to change the current perception of marriage.

    Gayatri Somvanshi
    Participant
    @gayatri
    #31773
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    Answer to this question is very simple because she is a woman. Because She is a woman it’s her duty to comply with her husband and she is meant to only cook and take care of children.As I said in our society woman is merely an object and property and is expected to sacrifice everything for a marriage to be able to work.
    We have seen how boy’s demand for their wife to be a homemaker and not do the job as according to them they don’t need a job as they can financially support the family. Women only need to look after the family and children. Women are expected to do all the chores as according to many middle class families cannot afford to hire maids . There are even families who shamelessly demand that girls should be very active in doing chores.
    Now comes a great and hige validated excuse to make women leave their job after they have a child if a child needs his mother. Why can’t a man take maternity leave to accompany his wife? For them a woman is just a baby making machine.
    There are often times when a woman is told to compromise in her needs as well.They are taken for granted and often said that they do nothing great and it’s normal. Even if by chance some households allow them to go for a job they expect them to manage both house and work matters. Very easily it is said that your job should not affect the work at home and thus we often see women juggling between home and job. Even after this she is not respected and still instead is burdened with expectations and duties. It’s really necessary to teach our lads that marriages involve efforts of both the people and it is the duty of both the people to contribute equally. We need to teach our sons that things should be shared and responsibilities too and respect each other’s dream. But sadly this is not taught in our conversation.

    Shubhangini Shaktawat
    Participant
    @shaktawat9
    #31792
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    Why are women expected to be compromising more in a marriage rather than boys?

    Marriages are unions or bonds between two people that are recognized or accepted officially, not only in the legal context, but also socially. When married, a couple has to take a set of oaths, no matter which religion it follows. The oaths suggest the purity of the bond and promises made by both the people, in order to support each other and be there for each other always. Nowhere in the oaths, or chants or promises is it mentioned that either of the too has to compromise more than the other. Although, in our society, it is quite prominent how women have to compromise in a marriage as compared to men.
    The first step towards compromising starts before a marriage when the woman is expected to be all that the groom’s family might desire as a bride. Women at times have to give up their careers because their spouse’s family does not want them to work. Independent women change themselves into dependent women who have to ask their husbands before doing anything in life. From what they wear to what they do, everything is expected to be controlled by the man. Why is patriarchy so cruel? Why do we have to abide by rules that are doing no good to the society and are not even written down anywhere?
    Women have to fight for their own rights that they were never granted. In certain religions, the society had allowed for the man to divorce his wife and leave her stranded with a number of children and no source of income to look after them. Men have also been permitted polygamy, whereas women are not even supposed to look at any man other than her husband, otherwise she can be declared ‘characterless’ by the society. Why does the society expect only women to give up their lives to look after their children? The children belong to their father as much as they belong to their mother right? Then why don’t their fathers look after them the same way their mothers do and why can’t their mothers work and earn for a living the same way their fathers do? This is only and only because of the narrow minded thinking and thoughts that the society has. It can only further narrow down the path for women in their life. It’s high time we understood men are not superior to women. Therefore, there should be equal compromises from both sides in a marriage.
    A woman myself,
    Shubhangini Shaktawat

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