Why are brides ‘given away’ at weddings?
In the Indian society, weddings are glorified a lot. People believe getting married should be a woman’s only goal in life and once done, her life is successful and she is blessed. Then having a family and taking care of it and the household should be a woman’s only work and thing to look forward to in life. Also, women are objectified to such an extent that they are said to be ‘given away’ to the groom’s family. Women are objectified at their own home and sent away to another home where they are further treated like an object too. What importance does a woman’s life possibly even hold in the eyes of this misogynistic society? Another ritual in Indian marriages is called ‘kanya-daan.’ A kanya means a maiden and daan refers to donation or charity. Why is a woman’s marriage to a man being called a daan or act of charity? Why are women just said to be given away? A girl child is always called a burden or ‘bojh’ and objectified in mostly pro-boy families as the family has to ‘give her away’ someday and get her married into another family. Once she grows up and gets married into another home, she is treated like an object again when she is made to work like a slave.
Both before marriage and after, everything is her responsibility. Everyone is dependent on her for everything. Then how does she deserve to be treated this way? When she is a maiden and stays at her parental place, her family does love her without a doubt, but she is called ‘paraya’ meaning a stranger because eventually she has to get married and be ‘given away.’ When she gets married and departs from her home and arrives into her in law’s place, she is still called ‘paraya’ because she has come from another home. When is a woman supposed to feel that she actually belongs somewhere; when she lives with her parents and they still do not accept her as their own or when she gives up everything in her life to settle with someone else in her in law’s place and she is still treated like someone they do not know? Our society needs to stop objectifying women and stop treating women this way. A woman belongs to whichever place she chooses, and gets married into whichever family she chooses. She is not being ‘given away’ and she never will.
A woman myself,
Shubhangini Shaktawat