2 years, 10 months ago-
More men are staying at home to take care of their families, according to a 2018 Pew research report. Historically, economic downturns have forced men a part of their labour force and into stay-at-home roles. “Perhaps as many as 2 million men but stay-at-home dads, depending on how you measure it during the height of the Great Recession,” says sociology professor Scott Melzer. However, changes in women’s workforce participation and women’s advancement in education have also left lasting impacts on gender roles.
Many have accepted that it has increased their level of patience being a stay-at-home parent. A pretty significant change, much recently, just in the last generation, is how involved fathers are in child care. There’s a significant increase in the share of hours that fathers spend on household chores and child care. There’s still a big gap between the amount of time that mothers devote. It’s a long way to go.
People still say that women should be the primary caretaker of their children. They should be the ones to take time off work when a new child enters the family. Public polling data says that men are expected to be the breadwinners. Societal attitudes seem to lag behind these trends of advancement. The experience of stay-at-home dads today mirrors the experiences of stay-at-home moms for generations. The challenges, the mundane repetitive nature of parenting day after day is common to both of them. The challenge of being not being appreciated for their work is also common. The biggest struggle they have is the isolation and their value and self-worth. Stay-at-home dads also to find support groups.
Experts expect to see similar trends following the covid-19 pandemic. During the pandemic, many fathers by force enjoyed spending time with their kids and like parenting but ultimately they wanted to get back into their workforce. If we compare them with stay-at-home dads who chose to stay at home in agreement with their partners, typically they were the ones who were much more comfortable with this new situation.It’s completely an illusion that society is becoming more accepting of stay at home dads. In today’s era men are also taking their responsibilities seriously like women and for that if they have to be stay at home dad they are fulfilling it nicely. But still society sees these responsibilities of women and if men do the same then they think him as servant of his wife. Our society is not at all ready to accept them. Men are becoming this by their own choice for helping their partner. Stay at home dads are facing a lot of challenges in their life. They have to face the stereotypes and stigmas running in the society which questions on their masculinity. They are treated as lazy and workless. They get lack of support not only from the society but also from their own family members which results in demotivating stay at home dads. As most of the children are taken cared by their mothers so it becomes these dads uncomfortable when they have to talk to other children’s parents at school meetings because most of them are women. One study says that it can be harder emotionally for male dads to shift themselves from working at their jobs to stay at home dads. These dads have found a higher levels of depressive symptoms than women. These dads have strong relationships with their partners as they both can understand each other more. Stay at home dads also results in stronger child and fathers relationship. They have mutul understandings. Stay-at-home dads can help to positively alter perceptions of masculinity, caregiving, and fatherhood. It’s the choice of the family and the dads whether they want to stay at home or not, so society should keep their nose away from other people’s life. They should be more accepting stay at home dads and encourage other working dads too.
Fatherhood in our society is sketched in terms of stringent patriarchal norms- that it is men’s onus to be breadwinners. While the advent of women into professional careers is no longer a stigma, the same flexibility is not accorded to men who wish to be caregivers at home. The hierarchy between professional and domestic life is the governing factor. That is why it is ‘progress’ for women to have careers while a social descent for men to embrace domesticity. Men who choose to be stay-at-home dads defy the conventional concept of masculinity and to any patriarchal society that is a problem.
The patriarchal system is as oppressive to men as it is to women. It dictates strait-laced identities which men and women are expected to fit into. Stay-at-home dads are proof that switching roles as care-givers will not decimate the familial structure. They also contest the essentialist perception of motherhood, showing that gender does not determine an individual’s ability to nurture.
Scott Melzer in his interview to the Atlantic stated that men who considered themself to be failed breadwinners or those who feel they do ‘women’s work’ compensate either through competitive masculinity or intimate partner violence. This almost spontaneous response to one’s challenged masculinity exposes the intensity of internalised gender norms. To break-free from them and be comfortable with one’s own true identity is a remarkable feat. Stay-at-home dads are true rebels who break free from the shackles of stringent social roles.
As it goes with all identities, stay-at-home dads are not exempt from stereotypes. The most popular notions hurled at them are that such men are either unemployed or in between jobs. If not, the man lacks ambition. Gender socialisation has made it seem an irrefutable truth that men are destined to bring home the bacon. We are so convinced of the dogma that we label men as incapable of caregiving, and even dismiss the idea. Over the years, a small portion of urban Indian society has managed to wrap its head around SAHDs. We have rare instances of fathers choosing to take care of the family while their spouse goes out to work. They make up only a very small community in India. We, as a society, have a long way to go in breaking gender norms and normalise stay-at-home parenting for men. To do so, we must put a stop to gender socialisation and unlearn the principles of internalised patriarchy.
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