2 years, 1 month ago-
Being a mother or not is all that depends upon the women who has to give birth to a child by sacrificing her body, career and everything in between. Surviving as a married woman in a society is a tough task today because all people expect from a woman is to get pregnant and have babies. No one asks a woman if she is ready to have a baby or she ever wants to have one, people have been compelling them to have babies because that’s what the tradition says they think.
Society thinks that there’s a protocol to be followed at every step of life, get married at 25 , have babies by the age of 30 is what they think everyone should do. But no! It’s her choice to choose when to have a baby or not to have one, it’s none of anyone’s business to force a woman to be a mother. Around 90% of women today never thought that if they ever wanted to be mothers, henceforth they’re mothers because of the family pressure or without their choice. “Give it some time, you’ll get used to it” is what they say, but motherhood is a blessing that do not have to be a forced decision to anyone.Motherhood is one of the ways through which society ties down women. Having a child is a major life decision and most often than not, it is forced upon women. It is an act of usurping one of the most fundamental rights of any human being- the right to control one’s body. An immediate and intense pressure a newly married woman faces in the Indian society is to have a child. Social gatherings almost always find her plagued by relatives asking her for ‘good news’. This attitude dehumanizes women to the status of mere child-bearers.
When a woman decides not have a child, she is subjected to cruel social treatment. She is branded ‘unwomanly’ and is ostracized to the extent that it becomes traumatic. Such women are vilified and become the antagonist to the deified mother, both of which are discrete methods to control women. While the former overtly experiences hostility, mothers are often overworked and taken for granted. The concept of motherhood is glorified so as to keep women confined to the realm of domesticity. It is a responsibility which, when forcefully thrust into her hands against her wishes, makes other aspects of her life, such as a career, cumbersome. It would tax her emotionally and physically if she is not ready for it.
It is not women’s ‘destiny’ to become mothers. Motherhood neither defines a woman nor does it determine her value of self. Every woman has the sole right to control her body and her life. Motherhood is a choice (just as marriage should be) and is high time society gets this clear.
In our present time, women’s life cycle is programmed. She has to finish her education,get married and become a mother in her 20’s. But still there are women who take time till their 30’s to get married even. In general, Motherhood is not a choice. It is nature’s gift to women. Avoiding it is one’s unfortune. Women has this responsibility and ability to bring a new life into this world. Motherhood is a pride. Being women, we must be grateful for gaining this pride. Being a mother is not that easy. A mother has to go through physical pains, struggles and difficulties in her life. Even then she does not regret for her being a mother. On the other hand, Motherhood is not only attained and experienced by giving birth. Motherhood is an emotion that every women in the world can reflect through her vision and action.
A married woman is generally asked this question “When is the good news?” also most of these questions were asked only to a woman and not to my man in society. Why is that? Isn’t man going to be the father of the child? Is it not a mutual decision between couples? In our society, there seems to be a designated age for everything a woman should do, and one has to adhere to their norms in order to live peacefully. Finish your graduation in the early ’20s, get married at 24–25, have kids immediately or one year later.
If a woman does talk about not being ready to have kids, then she is called a selfish woman or generally given advice on why motherhood is the best thing a woman can experience. Everyone just talks about how wonderful parenthood is. No one ever tells you why you should not have a baby. No one advises you about the difficulty the process is. No one shares their own difficulties, of being a mother, to couples who are planning to have one.
Because all these difficulties are normalized and Being a mother is normalized. It is commonly said that Everyone faces this so one should do it. Most of the mothers today never think about whether they really wanted to be mothers. Society and patriarchy do not give them any other choice or opinions on the matter. It has become a norm that a woman should become a mother, just because she can give birth to children.
Why? Why didn’t anyone question it before? Why didn’t anyone just stop for a moment and think whether motherhood is really their cup of tea? Are we not minimize the importance of a woman’s career and other choices by this? Don’t we just generalizing that all mothers can conceive and not even consider whether they want to? Are we not reinforcing the stereotypes by asking the woman and not the man? Time has really come when we should break these stereotypes and give some equal hand to women in reproductive choicesSince time immemorial, a woman is thought to be a father’s possession before marriage, and a husband’s after marriage; we see this written in the Manu Smriti as well, the Indian Hindu code of law. So basically, women are not thought to have any autonomy culturally speaking, despite the legal framework. This thought process is what makes women submit to marriage and motherhood and many such crucial phases of life, without having any say in the matters regarding their own lives. So, a woman does not have right over her body, her life, her decisions- everything is done for her instead without taking her will into account.
Today, even though society has progressed, women are still expected to fulfill the elder’s expectations of marrying and producing an offspring and being good homemakers. This thinking is deeply flawed as it takes away the power of decision of making which in deeply damaging to the woman’s self- esteem. Not only that but is a violation of basic human rights of autonomy of self and body. Motherhood is a serious and big decision which has serious implications. It is life changing for the father mother and the child equally; if this large change is brought upon by coercion, it turns out to be extremely disruptive for the child and the family along with the mother who goes through so much during childbirth.
Such a sensitive decision should be approached with rationality and should be the decision of the mother solely due to the harsh effect it has on her body. Hence, yes motherhood should definitely be the choice, and that too of the woman to make when she feels ready enough to bear this heavy responsibility.
Yes, motherhood must be taken as a choice and not a compulsion only because society wants it or you are aging. It is no way that a woman wastes this extra special phase of life because one’s family wants a kid. Every woman shares an irony that nobody ever asked them if they wanted to be a mother. Of course, a child brings happiness in life, but the question is if the mother is ready. Usually, it is accepted by a woman that she has to be a mother like it is an obligation to live in a society. Maybe, no one asks this question to a woman because she has the organs to produce a baby. And secondly, before she turns 30, she should have a child.
The situation gets overwhelmed when a woman decides to step back and not have a baby until she is ready. It is the moment when society tells her, ‘don’t have second thoughts,’ or ‘you will get used to motherhood once the baby arrives.’ There is no option provided, and motherhood is put as an obligation. The funnier part is as soon as a woman gets married, the first thing the family asks, ‘when are we getting the good news.’ The first thought that comes to one’s mind is that maybe they are not ready. It could be anything, but hardly there is acceptance of these statements.
One should realize that parenthood or motherhood is a serious responsibility and not a compulsion. There is no shortcut and no comparison. One could be ready to be a parent at 22, while the other may not be ready even at 35.
Secondly, as much as a child requires love and care, they need financial stability, which does not grow on trees. Many people do not realize that forcing responsibilities is not a healthy way to nurture a child as it would impact a child’s mental health. Lastly, it is alright if a woman chooses not to have a baby at all. It is her choice, and judging her would bring no good to society.
In a recent series, Tripling, one would see Chanchal, a character in the series, chooses not to have a kid at the moment. Of course, it is not accepted in the family, and later questions are raised about impotence. The acceptance of choosing not to have a baby is not coming soon, but it has begun in some sections of society.
Motherhood should be a choice and not a demand. It is an emotion which every woman can experience with or without having child because a woman is caring soul. But that doesn’t justify the choice of their own to have a child or not. It should be an absolute women’s individual decision to go ahead with motherhood without putting her into remand of justifications.
Motherhood is a preference that women make every day to place someone else as a priority before herself. Due to the societal and patriarchy pressure women are supposed to be a mother once they get married. There is no option or choice they get to choose whether they want to become a mother or not.
It is easy to have a child on the undue pressure of family but the actual bummer is when the child is arrived. People will only be bothered till the good news comes but the parents have to deal with perks of having a child and concerning about they will bring up the child, specially for women it is a tough assignment to deal with the health issues and with the child simultaneously.
The consequences of post delivery changes include physical as well as emotional changes in your body. Not every can go through this process and it should acceptable on their part because they ate bound to have child as compulsion.
Nowadays, there are so many alternatives for having a child. Most of the women going through infertility or some any other issue restricting to conceive are opting for surrogacy or adoption.
You can be a mother without the pain and the long wait through adoption which not only social service but also a great example to set for the other generations to opt for adoptions and make a child’s future secure.
Women do not feel guilt for not having and have child when you are ready to nurture a lovely soul.
And as, once Sushmita Sen said you don’t need a biological child to be a mother you can be a mother when you to be a mother.Motherhood should be a choice and not a demand. It is an emotion which every woman can experience with or without having child because a woman is caring soul. But that doesn’t justify the choice of their own to have a child or not. It should be an absolute women’s individual decision to go ahead with motherhood without putting her into remand of justifications.
Motherhood is a preference that women make every day to place someone else as a priority before herself. Due to the societal and patriarchy pressure women are supposed to be a mother once they get married. There is no option or choice they get to choose whether they want to become a mother or not.
It is easy to have a child on the undue pressure of family but the actual bummer is when the child is arrived. People will only be bothered till the good news comes but the parents have to deal with perks of having a child and concerning about they will bring up the child, specially for women it is a tough assignment to deal with the health issues and with the child simultaneously.
The consequences of post delivery changes include physical as well as emotional changes in your body. Not every woman can go through this process and it should be acceptable on their part because they are not bound to have child as compulsion.
Nowadays, there are so many alternatives for having a child. Most of the women going through infertility or some any other issue which is restricting to conceive are opting for surrogacy or adoption.
You can be a mother without the pain and the long wait through adoption which not only is a social service but also a great example to set for the future generations to opt for adoptions and make a child’s future secure.
Women, do not feel guilt for not having a child and have a child when you are ready to nurture a soul.
And as, once Sushmita Sen said you don’t need a biological child to be a mother you can be a mother when you want to be a mother.Should Motherhood Be A Choice?
Is that even a question? Of course! Motherhood should be a choice, in fact, it must be a choice. In a society like the one we live in, almost nothing is in the favor of women. A large number of women become mothers due to forced intercourse, or rape. Here, it’s obvious how they do not have a choice, because rapists do not consider decency as even an option. On the other hand, married women get pregnant at young ages like 24-26, yet again without their choice, because men feel, once they are married, they are entitled to their wives’ bodies. Let me tell you, they are not.
Having a baby or becoming a mother is said to be the biggest blessing to ever happen to one but at the cost of one’s career, or happiness? I don’t think so. At times, certain families or couples are not financially secure and sound enough to plan a family. At times, women want to focus on their career and reach at some position or point to ensure their babies a secure future. At times, women are simply not sure whether their marriage is at its best point and situation to plan a family further. It does not mean they are ‘not-worthy’ or simply ‘abnormal.’ It also does not mean they are ‘selfish’ and worry only about themselves.
A woman knows that she is responsible for the well being of her to be child. She knows what being a mother means and it is important to her too, maybe more than what it must be important to her husband because she is the one who has to carry that baby in her womb for 9 whole months. All this while, she cannot do anything according to her will because a pregnancy is a very delicate case. She can’t eat what she feels like. She can’t take medications if she falls ill. She cannot even eat what she wants to. She has to go through a number of emotional changes and a lot of depression, anxiety, mood-swings etc. This is exceptionally a lot and if she doesn’t feel that it is the right time for it or if she’s not ready for it, it should be her take. It should just be her decision and call. All our lives, we have let the men of the society overpower the women. At least on this, we must give women a freedom to choose for themselves. After all, it is the right thing. Motherhood should be a choice.
A woman myself,
Shubhangini Shaktawat“Are bahu, bs ab jaldi se ek pota dedo”, “hey your biology clock is ticking”, ” Start planning for a baby, it is more important than career”, etc.. etc.. all these dialogues are very common for almost every newly married girl in India. As soon as she gets married the immediate thing happens is that every Dadi and Nani enthusiastically blesses them with the blessings of having a cute little grandson or granddaughter at the earliest. It will be no exaggeration to say that sometimes girl is forced to have a baby by her family members.
For a girl it is no less than a new incarnation in the same life when she gets married. She goes through a lot of, actually a Mall of adaptations and adjustments to get set in the new life altogether. To make is more worse, the hurricane of hormonal changes makes her life go all merry go round. It is very much difficult for any girl to hold herself steady and concentrate on her Career as well during these times, above this, she’s even expected to manage everyone and everything in the new and the existing family too. Apparently it is clear that there’s no room for anything bigger in her life at this time. So it should be very much understood and empathized by everyone if she chooses to plan a baby atleast not any sooner after her marriage.
Though extremely difficult and unimaginable toll inducing, some girls tends to have a heart of a mother at very early stage of their life. They are too enthusiastic and excited to experience the best feeling called motherhood at the earliest. This is their happy choice and there is no argument that is valid if they feel ready themselves to be a mother. Here too, it should be very much understood and empathized by everyone if she chooses to plan a baby sooner after her marriage.
Also in this new millennial’s era it neither requires to be getting married nor to be Pregnant, themselves to have a baby. Either we can adopt a child or have our own biological child even before marriage. This makes very clear that women have their right of choosing their own time and willingness to have a baby in current times.
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